33 days, a lot can happen

Hello all. A few weeks back I admitted that I was battling two diseases, my terminal diagnosis for a brain tumour called a glioblastoma stage 4 and since I’d finished working, I’d upped my drinking level to the point of alcoholism. A combination of alcohol, meds and cancer landed me in hospital after a series of epileptic fits. It might be worth reading the last blog to give some context into what will be, I hope, a smaller blog today. https://braintumourberg.in/2022/09/28/double-the-disease/

Firstly, the GBM4, well, despite my abuse of my body, and I feel a little bit guilty about this, my MRI scan shows all is still stable. I feel guilty because my fellow cancer patients do everything they can to keep healthy and still the cancer moves in. Also I’ve just had my first face to face with my oncologist for two years.

Weird meeting, firstly Jen now allowed in as well . Which means it’s harder for me to say, yep she just says it’s fine to carry on drinking.

No, much weirder. Firstly happy about my scan. That’s good, a telling off about my recent possibly drinking induced fits because of my Glioblastoma. All so far as expected. Then went a bit left field she told me she couldn’t write any more letters for my pensions as she couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t die within a year. I did feel like I’d made her feel a fool for all the others she written as I was still here. Next I got a telling off for doing too much on social media supporting other people with the same diagnosis. She said it would have an impact on my mental health, I tried to point out that it’s just how I work and I couldn’t stop. We shall see what she says next quarter but I’ve been an operator all my life so doing nothing doesn’t feel like an option.

Sadly in our little world it’s been a little tough. I was a member of maggies on the runway.

https://www.maggies.org/our-centres/maggies-manchester/?gclid=CjwKCAjw79iaBhAJEiwAPYwoCNLY3ltmBswq9f8pPlprbspc-DTUamsYfV9DDaBxaueJCJNi7B6GdBoC3OgQAvD_B

Maggies is a fabulous organisation that helps cancer patients in myriad ways. The trouble with these groups is that by it’s very nature, they tend to be full of poorly people. A few weeks ago we lost the fabulous Sian, a young mum. The 2nd loss from our little team since Matthew. Also devastated that Laura a fellow GBM patient has also had a very tough time and has had to have further surgery.

For those of you who have followed me over this story, you know I’m not keen on some of the phraseology that comes with cancer. Warrior, battle, fighter inspirational, survivor. I understand it helps some helps people with narrative, but I didn’t choose this and neither did Laura. I’d rather not be doing any of the above. Having said that the Nuttall family of which Laura is part of are all of these things and more. We share the same values. 51 is a lot fairer than 21 though and that is why I hate this disease and will keep shouting

So taken all the above into account I have been able to stop drinking. Well 31 days so far so good. Now much to the disdain of the CGL support group I go to I have taken to drinking zero alcohol beer and wine, in fact I’m becoming a bit of an expert on them, to the point where I’ve been asked not to mention that in group as it might encourage others. The counsellor thinks it could lead to drinking through the back door. Well I will stop mentioning but I have to it do it my way. The other strange thing was one of the support team that had made me aware of the group in hospital was in the session. He said he was surprised to see me as he thought I was over intellectualising my recovery. Now if anyone can tell me what the duck that means I’ll buy you a zero beer

So I’ve had a few tempting moments, but so far so good. Family gatherings, a cricket team meeting and sad news. But I’ve had tremendous support. Although if everyone can stop asking me what’s in my glass I’d be quite happy. The children have said it’s great to have me fully back. My best mate, whose father sadly died mentioned to a mutual friend having the old Liam back I’ve known for 20 years is great mind. These comments make such a difference and thanks

Finishing on a really positive note Joe our 20 year old and Pat cycled up Alp de Huez for Brain Tumour Research https://twitter.com/braintumourrsch/status/1580883640674062337?s=46&t=IjCBqA194UEaxdLv9D9zVg

So proud of them both.