Last day for now

So this is weird after 9 hours of brain surgery, 30 days of radiotherapy with adjacent chemo, then a further 12 cycles of 5 days a month further chemotherapy. I took my last TMZ chemo pill this morning, that is part of my planned treatment.

So far I’ve gone down worrying is no good for me what the point? Would it help? . Now I have a frisson of fear

After surgery p
Losing hair through radiotherapy
Cricket day two weeks ago Toft

So now I know next time the Medic’s need to intervene, something has gone wrong. My Glioblastoma Tumour is progressing, whilst we know it will kill me, they will continue to do the best they can.

I have to say in my treatment so far this is the most nervous I’ve been. All my life I’ve worked in operations. By continuing to plan and do, I’ve succeeded in life and by my ruddy complexion at the cricket so far with the BT . Now i have to wait and stay fit. I temporarily feel on the back foot. I like to think I’ve never been reactive (although I have often ahead to be) but I’ve planned, I’ve been proactive. Now tick tock, tick tock it’s over to nature and that scares the shit out of me a little bit

On top of which the inspirational Matthew Pullan (@running through cancer) died last week at the age of 18. He’d fitted more into his young life than most would if they live to moan about back in the day. We had been following the same path and have now temporality parted or a junction. But Matthew’s spirit will always be with me. To remind me what an old man I am and have had the myriad life experiences I’ve had. My thoughts are at this moment and forever more will be with the Pullan family and Matthew’s friends. At 17 I held my best friend in my arms as he died after a horrible hit and run. I know how something this monumental can be at their age to his support group and friends of that age. I hope support has got better than in 1988 I also know as I live with a bereaved Mum that nothing is ever the same again for the family

Matthew and his Brothers

So that’s it for now, I know I need to take some time off to relax but it’s not really in my nature

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