Chemo and modelling don’t you know! Also the return of an unwanted friend.

For some reason it’s been a particularly knackering chemo week, I don’t know if that’s Some of the coast 2 coast still in my legs. Or maybe just this is my 10th month on the bounce and there is only so much poison you can put in the body before it’s starts to get pissed of with you.

But in a surreal twist I’ve also been selected to take part in Maggies on the runway, a fashion show held under the wings of concord at Manchester airport. Where guess what all the models are or have been cancer patients, I know I was devastated to learn it wasn’t my looks

A little bit about Maggies from a patients perspective. This year with covid, all the way through my treatment which has all been within restrictions. Jen and my Dad haven’t been able to come in. For that reason alone Maggies has been a great place to wait, but it’s so much more than that. The volunteers are so kind and generous with their time. There is an empathy that surrounds you, others in there are affected or have cancer. The benefits advisor also sorted my PIP But it’s also the place thoughtfully designed and beautiful gardens, it’s an oasis of calm in a desert of covid and cancer

I was first diagnosed with clinical depression in 1988, I then choose to ignore it for about 20 years, when it finally blew up at 40 and I ended up hospitalised.. I now keep it in control through a combination of chemicals and counselling I have a regular appointment through work. Which I know makes me very lucky.

There was mix up with my meds, which for some reason meant that I didn’t have my anti anxiety pills for 5 days.. wow turns out the body had kind of got used to them. I wasn’t quite Renton going cold turkey but wasn’t far off. I became short tempered and a blubbering wreck all at the same time . I think combined with the chemo, I forgot my own advice about not worrying about what I couldn’t affect. So apologies if I’m the last week, you’ve come across me and I’ve not been my usual self.

That’s it. Off on holiday to my sisters in Dunblane we are house swapping. So thanks again for reading and feel free to share. We have to find a cure

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